Whether by divorce, separation, or as a result of being widowed, many boomers find themselves unexpectedly single again. Being suddenly single can be a strange and confusing role after being in a marriage or partnership for many years. It can be a lonely time, especially in the beginning. But it doesn't have to stay that way.

Once you are ready to accept the ending of the previous relationship and are able to let go of that part of your identity, it's time to begin to build a new reality.

And that eventually leads to questions about dating – whether to do so, with whom, where, and how?

One option, of course, is to choose not to date. There is nothing wrong with that. Many people are happy with their friends and family around them, and don't need a mate. They like being in charge of their own lives, and don't want to make the compromises that come with intimate relationships.

But if you choose to date, which implies the possibility of becoming intimate, here are some good-sense guidelines that can improve your chances of a good outcome and help you see a train wreck coming in time to get out of the way.

Don't be desperate.

It is usually obvious when a person is looking too hard for love, and that can make them seem desperate. Desperation isn't sexy, so this becomes self-defeating.

Instead of deliberately seeking a partner, you might do better to ask yourself, “What are some activities I think I would enjoy, or have enjoyed in the past, regardless of whether they lead to finding a romantic partner?” Of course, it helps to steer toward activities that desirable singles might frequent, and avoid those that, well, less desirable people gravitate toward. You might do well to choose, for example, a hiking club over a bikers' bar (apologies to any fine, upstanding bikers who enjoy passing the time at their local bar).

If you are enjoying yourself with like-minded people, the worst case scenario is you will meet new friends, have fun, and not feel lonely. And maybe, in time, you will meet someone you have chemistry with, who likes the same things you do, and it will develop into an intimate relationship.

Work on being Mr. or Ms. Right.

Gloria Steinem said, “There are many more people trying to meet the right person than to become the right person.” In other words, a second strategy should be to improve yourself. Be the kind of person you would like to meet.

For some, that might mean changes to their outward appearance; for example, losing weight, dressing better, or getting a new haircut. For others it might mean learning new things, improving their manners, quitting smoking, or taking steps to improve their career prospects. If you aren't sure where to start, ask some trusted friends for an honest appraisal of where you should focus your self-improvement activities.

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